Breaking Free: Ending the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

"From every wound, there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, 'I survived.'"

-Craig Scott

Domestic abuse is something that is so incredibly common in today's world. Domestic abuse can be defined as,” A pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain/maintain power and control over a usually intimate partner.” There are a few types of domestic abuse that an individual may fall victim to. This includes; physical abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, or even honour-based abuse. 

Anyone can fall victim to domestic abuse. A woman can experience such abuse despite her age, race, beliefs, faith, and social class. Domestic abuse is usually committed by an intimate partner, close family and friends, or (least likely) strangers. 

It is important to identify signs of abuse shown early on in a relationship. If your partner makes you question yourself, questions your worth, embarrasses you in social settings, makes you feel useless, calls you names, threatens you, blames you for their harsh actions, pressures you, treats you roughly, uses intimidating language, or preaches to you that you are nothing without them; they are considered an abusive partner. Something I believe all women need to realize is that domestic abuse is not always physical - so if you don't need to wait for it to get physical to report it. 

Many cases of domestic abuse against women happen worldwide. The World Health Organization estimates that globally, approximately one in three women are witness to physical or sexual violence alone (mostly done by an intimate partner). 

While discovering cases, I came across a not very widely known, but commonly experienced case. 

Celina and David met through an online dating platform. They were both from the same place of origin, however, David resided in Australia while Celina lived in her hometown. Both David and Celina were previously married. David had one young child. Celina and David got married in their hometown but David applied for Celina and her mother to immigrate to Australia. The visa was granted and Celina soon left her job to go to Australia. Her mother would join them later on. 

At first, David was a very nice, loving, and polite husband. He went with Celina to show her some famous landmarks of Australia and was very welcoming towards her. Celina took great care of David's child. She took him to school and prepared his meals on the days he was staying with them. During this time Celina was unable to get employed due to her visa so she was solely dependent on David for money. 

Everything was going smoothly until about a month later when David's behavior started changing. They had made up a plan to pick up his child from his mother's house and then they would go to dinner together. Celina was very excited and she wrapped a lot of presents for him. However, David dropped Celina off somewhere on the way. He pushed her out forcefully saying that his ex-wife would mind her presence. Celina was very evidently distressed. She hurried to a supermarket nearby. She was panicked because it was a new area for her and it was also quickly getting dark. Confused, Celina called David's parents and her mother for help. She begged his parents to contact David for her. His mother said that David had anger issues but he couldn't afford to ruin another marriage. She tried her best to manipulate Celina into staying in the marriage and making it work. Eventually, when David came to pick Celina up, he was fueled with rage. He shouted at her and told her she was 'trouble'. He told her that he didn't want to be with a woman who didn't ‘obey’ him. When they reached home David left a crying Celina in the car for about 30 minutes. He then returned to drag her out of the car, shake her violently, and push her on the concrete floor. It is reported that he was having a meal while she was lying outside on the floor crying. A few days passed and David apologized to her but was still angry at her for telling their parents about their relationship. 

David gradually demanded that Celina handle an increased number of household chores and take care of the child. David started verbally assaulting and disciplining Celina in front of his son - who had happened to pick up his mannerisms and treat her the same way. Celina was also not allowed to have her phone. Instead, David would give her his phone during work hours and would use his office phone to call her constantly during the day - mostly to ask about the child's meals and give her orders. David would examine the food in the refrigerator to check what she had fed his son and he also went through the search history on his phone when he got home. 

Celina, being fed up, chose to record her meals and daily activities with digital photos that she uploaded to David's Dropbox for his confirmation. At this point, Celina had no money other than the little sums of caoney David would maybe give her to pay for commuting herself and the child from school and back.

Every day they argued over David's behavior and Celina's unwillingness to cooperate. David also used to call Celina useless to his family, knowing she was listening. 

A few weeks later David’s ex-wife had an argument with him and according to the child, David tried to strangle her. She decided to contact authorities and the case was brought to court. David forced Celina to give character evidence to the court stating that this would save their relationship. However, Celina found it hard to do so due to her ongoing abuse. 

Celina's mother had now come to Australia and started living with them. Following a few incidents, Celina had to forcefully sleep with her mom in a really small bed, all while David was completely unbothered. Celina suffered from diarrhea, migraines, back and muscular pain, stress, and depression, but she continued taking care of David's child as well as running the house. 

David continued making false and absurd claims about Celina and her mother to his relatives. He became frequently drunk and told both Celina and her mother to leave before he did something terrible. He threatened to separate Celina from her mother. One night when David was fast asleep Celina and her mother went to a nearby neighbor who helped them call the police.

To avoid falling victim to domestic abuse, we must establish boundaries and prioritize our safety to the fullest. You must educate yourself, and other women on the signs of domestic abuse such as; abusive behavior, manipulation tactics, degradation, controlling actions, over-possessiveness, or other signs mentioned earlier. Trust your instinct. If you feel something is wrong, never delay taking action, and don’t feel hesitant or scared to contact a helpline or seek help from family and friends. Women must be educated on self-defense to physically protect themselves and also be financially independent, not relying solely on her husband for everything. As a community, we must be able to provide resources and the support needed for victims to recover. We must let go of the social stigmas regarding a woman escaping from her abusive relationship. In the end, a woman must realize that it is her right to be in a relationship where she feels safe - so reaching out and ending the cycle is not the wrong thing to do.